Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize