just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
