On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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