my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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