best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
