when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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