My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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