This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he puts the penis in happiness.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
