I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So much Jack, so little girl.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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