girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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