it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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