Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
