Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
