somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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