he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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