dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
