Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
