guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
