Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
