guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
