she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
