feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
