There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
