I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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