His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
