It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
