not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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