Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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