so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think my vagina is haunted
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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