About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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