I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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