I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
