That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
