we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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