you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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