somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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