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• (904): View more from Florida

  Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he's a keeper

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?

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