i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize