You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish life had little blips of pornography
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
