Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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