After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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