I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
