My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
