also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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