I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
