My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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