Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
