I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
