I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
