he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
