WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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