Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
