i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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