we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
