I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
