I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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