is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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