I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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