perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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