If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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