i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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