What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
