I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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