You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
