He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
