turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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