There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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