My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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