He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
