i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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