Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
