Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
