man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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