i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
