I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
