Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
