loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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