I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
