I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
