totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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