so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
