then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
