Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
