when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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